Crispy Gamer

Scott Jones's blog

The Jones Report: The Sickness, Part 1


When talking about my fellow gamers and game writers, I often use the term "The Sickness" to describe them.

For example, I have a colleague who, many years ago, purchased the Japanese version of Super Mario 64 from an import store in L.A. He was traveling at the time, and didn't have access to a TV that would accept the red/white/yellow Nintendo 64 inputs. All he had with him that would accept the inputs was a handheld video camera.

No doubt you can see where this is going.

FF XII Report: Jones Starts Seeing FF Junk All Around Him


I was really, really into Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 for awhile. I was so into it that no matter where I was--in the subway, on the street, in a hotel lobby--I'd catch myself looking for skating lines. I'd think, "Well, I could ollie up onto that railing, then kickflip to that picnic table, then grind the ladder on top of that fire truck. And that should net me around 4,000 points. Sweet."

Yes, sometimes I use the word "sweet" in my private thoughts.

What of it?

FF XII Report: Jones Meets A Lesbian-Boy Named Lamont, Raises EXP. Level to 15


On tap last night: More Final Fantasy XII goodness.

The Gang and I took our first road trip together, traveling to the far-away cloud city of Bhujerba, where, upon arrival, Balthier begins to act more and more like Han Solo from The Empire Strikes Back. (Which makes Fran his Chewbacca. Or "Franbacca.") (Which is weird.)

No sooner do they land when they encounter Lamont, who appears to be either a lesbian or a boy, or some hybrid of the two.

Jones Returns to FFXII Over the Weekend, Enjoys Self Thoroughly


After my original bid to play Final Fantasy XII was prematurely truncated by the Canadian postal system (a friend mailed the PS2 Memory Cards containing my saved games from New York; two months later, they have yet to arrive), this weekend I finally got around to starting the game over again.

To bring you up to speed, this was all part of a boozey promise I made to John Teti in Tokyo last year.

Jones's Very Special Holiday Moment


My parents, not surprisingly, have never really understood what I do for a living. They know that I write about, and talk about, videogames, and that somehow I have miraculously managed to convince people to pay me for these services.

To say they've been a bit dubious would be an understatement.

The Jones Report: So I went to a screening of Avatar last night...


I let out an audible groan when the guy introducing Avatar at the Scotiabank theater last night announced that it was "almost three hours long."

Goddamn it. Three hours is one hour too long for a movie, in my opinion. I've got games to play, cats to pet, and Christmas presents to open

As soon as the lights went down and the movie began, I leaned over to Victor Lucas and whispered, "Only three more hours to go."

That's right--I'm a real hoot to go to the movies with.

The Jones Report: A Holiday Story to Warm Your Damn Heart


After graduating from college, I moved back in with my parents and got a bartending job at a rundown lakeside resort called Pfohl's Beach House on the Eastern shore of Oneida Lake in Upstate New York.

Pfohl's was a miserable operation in the summer months with it's faux Reggae theme parties and "2-4-1 shooters" vibe. But in the winter, with snow drifts so monstrous they threatened to consume the building and the nearby lake frozen solid, it was beyond depressing.

World's Most Scatalogical Power-Up: The SNES-era Indiana Jones Turd-Whip


Been playing Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures on the SNES circa 1994 the last couple of days via the Wii's Virtual Console.

Why? Man, who knows.

It's pretty crummy, to be honest. You play through 28 levels--yes, 28 levels!--spread across the original three movies. Along the way you'll endure hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of cheap deaths. Cutscenes between levels consist of heavily pixellated images from the movies coupled with blocky text.

Some games age gracefully. This isn't one of them.

Jones and Teti Traveled to LA to Attend VGAs; Take $80 Cab Rides


So I swore up and down that I wouldn't get on another plane this year.

Jones's Vision Quest for GOTY Day 2: Uncharted 2



Uncharted 2.

Gets off to a decent start. I like the whole train-falling-off-a-cliff sequence. (Though I didn't enjoy it as much the second time I had to play through it, or at least part of it, later in the game.) The first cut scene introducing Chloe--ah, Chloe--and that dick-bag English guy is well written and well acted. By why is Nathan all down on his luck, sitting in a bar, unshaven at midday at the start of the game? What happened to him in the ensuing years between the first and second game? Did I miss something?

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