Crispy Gamer

Xbox 360

Dual Review: Pirates of Black Cove and From Dust

Subtitle: 
From Dust will challenge you and Pirates of Black Cove will put you to sleep.
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Sometimes games are just too small to fill up an entire article. So once again we return with yet another Dual Review. This week I turn my attention to two more downloadable games in the $15 to $20 range.

Sometimes games are just too small to fill up an entire article.
 So once again we return with yet another Dual Review. This week I turn my attention to two more downloadable games in the $15 to $20 range.

From Dust:

There are bad games, and then there are really bad games. Games that make me consider downing a fistful of Hydrocodone with a tequila chaser. But every now a game comes along that reminds me that life can be wonderful and that there is hope. From Dust is one of those.

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Review: F.E.A.R. 3

Subtitle: 
F.A.I.L.
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My initial opinion of F.E.A.R. 3 was that it was an astoundingly generic, cover based FPS, but as time passed and I progressed further into the game I came to realize that F.E.A.R. 3 was actually a type of divine punishment for some unspecified sin I must have committed in my life. As a work of art, F.E.A.R. 3 evoked a number of intense emotions within me, but sadly neither joy nor (ironically) fear was among them. A rather disappointing turn of events given that as a horror game its two main goals were to be fun and to scare players. What raises F.E.A.R. 3 up from merely bland to utterly disappointing is the realization of what could have been; the tragedy that despite its many flaws, F.E.A.R. 3 does have a brilliant game within it.

My initial opinion of F.E.A.R. 3 was that it was an astoundingly generic, cover based FPS, but as time passed and I progressed further into the game I came to realize that F.E.A.R. 3 was actually a type of divine punishment for some unspecified sin I must have committed in my life.  As a work of art, F.E.A.R.

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Gears of War 3 Achievement Challenge

Subtitle: 
360Voice Makes a Game of Gamerscores
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Gamerscores have been a staple of an Xbox player’s personal identity, serving as a quick gauge for how much a gamer plays. 360Voice’s Achievement Challenge has taken that metric and has debuted a unique meta-game around Gamerscores in Gears of War 3. Gamers will accumulate achievement points in GoW3, and the Brotherhood with the most points after one month of play will take home the lion’s share of $10,000.

Gamerscores have been a staple of an Xbox player’s personal identity, serving as a quick gauge for how much a gamer plays. 360Voice’s Achievement Challenge has taken that metric and has debuted a unique meta-game around Gamerscores in Gears of War 3. Gamers will accumulate achievement points in GoW3, and the Brotherhood with the most points after one month of play will take home the lion’s share of $10,000.

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Review: Hunted: The Demon's Forge

Subtitle: 
Console Perfected
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The first thing one must come to grips with regarding Hunted is that it is an extremely shallow experience. I honestly can't remember the last time I played a game that demanded so little thought. I have literally never skipped, or been tempted to skip, a single line of dialogue in any game I've ever played.

What does it take for a game to stick in a player's memory? For RPGs, it could be the writing of story and characters. For an action game, it might be the flexibility of movement and fluidity of combat. For a shooter, the graphics could be the centerpiece. For Hunted: The Demon Forge, it's none of the above. Perhaps that's why every time I exit the game, I remember little of what I just played through, and the only feeling that does remain is a compulsion to uninstall it.

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Review: The Witcher 2

Subtitle: 
Far Witchier Than The First But Probably Not As Witchy As The Inevitable Sequel
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The Witcher 2 is a PC game (the Xbox 360 version is set to launch around the end of this year) that follows the adventures of Geralt of Rivia, a magically enhanced monster hunter, or witcher (a name that I imagine sounds a lot cooler in Polish). The Witcher games are based on the novels of Polish writer Andrzej Sapkowski, and have already been adapted for film and TV in Germany and Poland. Rather than the bright and shiny lands of frolicking pixies often portrayed in fantasy RPGs, the world of the Witcher games is dark and gritty. Life is cheap, torture a ready option of the powerful, the majority of people are racist bastards, and the civilized world is generally a dirty and miserable place.

If you play The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings, you will die…a lot.

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Review: L.A. Noire

Subtitle: 
Rockstar Finally Plays 'Good Cop'
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"A city on the verge of greatness. A new type of city, based not on the man but on the automobile....Where every man can own his own home, and have room to breathe and not be overlooked by his neighbors....The city of dreams where Hollywood will shape the thoughts and desires of the entire planet....A city of undercurrents, where not everything is as it seems." -L.A. Noire, Opening Narration

"A city on the verge of greatness. A new type of city, based not on the man but on the automobile....Where every man can own his own home, and have room to breathe and not be overlooked by his neighbors....The city of dreams where Hollywood will shape the thoughts and desires of the entire planet....A city of undercurrents, where not everything is as it seems." -L.A. Noire, Opening Narration

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Awkward Zombie: Pitwit

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Comic by Katie Tiedrich. May 23rd, 2011.

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Review: Dragon Age 2

Subtitle: 
Is this a practical joke?
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Do you ever feel like the world's getting...simpler? Like everything from eating to fighting is a lot less complex than it used to be.

"Do you ever feel like the world's getting...simpler? Like everything from eating to fighting is a lot less complex than it used to be," a lunatic confides to me in a run-down tavern. The line elicits immediate resentment in me. Why? Because a Bioware writer had inserted a fourth wall-breaking background character into their game, Dragon Age 2, in an effort to be tongue-in-cheek but instead, it neatly encapsulates the developer's apparent disdain for their loyal following.

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Review: Portal 2

Subtitle: 
This is a Triumph!
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Portal 2 has Chell awakening after hundreds of years trapped in an Aperture Science stasis chamber, only to find that facility has fallen to ruin with plants growing throughout the facility. Guided by Wheatley, a somewhat klutzy personality core (eye-shaped computer) voiced by British comedian Stephen Merchant, Chell seeks to escape the ruins of Aperture Science, and in the process GLaDOS is accidentally resurrected.

Does this one really need a full review?  Portal 2 is a great game.  So just buy the damned thing.

Bam!  Easy review; cash in the bank.  Moving on now…

(No.  Do the review.  –Ed.)

Ok ok, fine!

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Street Fighter X Tekken: Gameplay Trailer

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The long awaited dream match-up between the two leaders in the fighting genre becomes a reality. STREET FIGHTER X TEKKEN, delivers the ultimate tag team match up featuring iconic characters from each franchise, and one of the most robust character line ups in fighting game history. With the addition of new gameplay mechanics, the acclaimed fighting engine from Street Fighter IV been refined to suit the needs of both Street Fighter and TEKKEN players alike.
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