Corpse Run 191: Jill Sandvitch
I think, I’m not sure, but I think this is the first time I’ve done a Resident Evil comic.
Or a Resident Evil/Team Fortress 2 mashup, anyway.
If you were never fortunate enough to experience the amazing dialogue featured in the original Resident Evil, take a gander at this fantastic scene here.
So I’ve been seeing my dentist recently. Normally, this is not cause for celebration or even worth noting, but I haven’t been to my dentist in two years. This is pretty rare stuff. Everything is looking good in tooth-land at the moment, but things weren’t always this way… say, two years ago, for example. So sit back and relax, my friends, for our story begins…
I called my dentist after an old filling broke. We set up an appointment, and a few weeks later my dentist (who we shall refer to as… Randy) called me out of the waiting room and onto the chair. Everything seemed normal: the chair was reclined, Randy turned on the light, he put the little mirror thing in my mouth, but then…
“Huh, that’s interesting.”
Now, Randy (and dentists in general, I imagine) say “that’s interesting” all the time just to mess with patients, which for some reason they think is funny. This was not a joke “that’s interesting,” this was an actual ”that’s interesting.” The only was to make this feel more real is to put the words themselves in italics.
“Huh, that’s interesting.”
Anyways, I asked what was so interesting.
“Your gums have grown into the original cavity.”
Uh-huh, I thought, and then asked what we should do.
“Well, I’m going to have to cut the gums out of there.”
Randy got up from his stool and grabbed a box out from which came a small, pen shaped device connected to the box by a cable. Then came a flat pad about half the size of s sheet of paper. Randy plugged the box into the wall with another cable, and told me to lift up my shoulder. Once I did, he slid the pad under me and told me to lie back down.
“Do you have a pacemaker?” he asked.
“No… are… are you grounding me?” I replied.
“Yes, this tool here is an electric scalpel.”
Randy got to work cutting out my over-adventurous gums, stopping only to drain the blood that was shooting all over my mouth. As hard as I tried to stay still during the process, I eventually squirmed in the chair and-
My body swung up from the chair and my arms were bent out in front of me, shaking. When I moved, my body momentarily wasn’t touching the grounding pad.
In other words, I was electrocuted.
“Are you alright?” Randy asked.
I exhaled heavily, smoke came out. ”Yeah,” I said, “but my mouth kind of tastes like burnt bacon.”
Maybe this is the reason I don’t go to the dentist that often.
I’ve been totally wanting to tell that story in a blog post since the time I started the comic, but I never had a good reason to until now. Sweet.