Crispy Gamer

50 Games That Sound Vaguely (or Not So Vaguely) Like Adult Films

(Contributor: James Fudge)

With production cycles being shortened all the time, game making has become a frantic, frenzied activity not unlike watching a plate-spinner spin plates in 1940's vaudeville. This trend all too often has resulted in game stores being flooded with E.T.-caliber crap. But one aspect of game development that's considered, reconsidered, then re-reconsidered is the names of these crappy games.

Think about it: At this very moment, around the world, many very smart, very well-educated, very wealthy people -- many of whom are wearing silk ties and eating high-priced hoagies -- are sitting around conference room tables trying to come up with names for their expensive-to-make games. Lists are drawn up. Brainstorming sessions ensue. Papers are wadded up and tossed into an overflowing garbage can. And after much discussion, voil?, a crappy name is typically born.

And yet one aspect that obviously isn't being considered enough by these smart, talented, tie-wearers is how much these names sound as if they could do double-duty as X-rated titles.

Our sole criteria for a game name making this list was this: Would it appear out of place as a late-night listing on Cinemax?

Without further ado, here are 50 games deserving of that honor. The soft chuckling will begin in three, two, one?

cork popping out of a champagne bottle
No, this is not the box cover for SPRay. But, yes, it certainly could be.

1. SPRay
[October 2008/Tecmo]

2. TouchMaster 2
[October 2008/Midway]

3. Mr. Driller Online
[April 2008/Namco-Bandai]

4. Rhythm Heaven
[April 2009/Nintendo]

5. Ring of Red

6. Big Bang Mini
[January 2009/Southpeak Interactive]

7. Imagine: Teacher
[August 2008/UbiSoft]

8. Imagine: Babysitters
[October 2008/UbiSoft]

woman at stove
Cooking Mama, Take One

9. Ener-G: Gym Rockets
[October 2008/UbiSoft]

10. Malibu Bikini Volleyball

11. Lips
[Q4 2008/Microsoft]

12. It's Mr. Pants!

13. Alone in the Dark

14. Pass the Pigs
[October 2008/THQ]

15. Need For Speed Undercover
[November 2008/EA Games]

woman in sexy cook costume
Cooking Mama, Take Two

16. My Chinese Coach
[August 2008/UbiSoft]

17. My Japanese Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]

18. My Spanish Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]

19. Viva Pi?ata: Pocket Paradise
[September 2008/THQ]

20. Pocket Ping Pong 2005
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

21. Hot Dish
[June 2008/Valusoft]

22. Toobin'

23. Kitty Luv
[November 2008/Activision Value]

24. The Bigs
[2007/2K Sports]


man with hand in pocket
First photographic evidence of Pocket Ping Pong being played (and, subsequently, Sticky Balls).

25. The Bouncer

26. Blowout

27. Chulip

28. Crazy Taxi

29. Cooking Mama

30. Cy Girls

31. Hummer: Badlands

32. Heatseeker

33. Sticky Balls
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

34. Test Drive Off-Road: Wide Open

35. The Hustle: Detroit Streets

36. The Red Star
[2007/XS Games]

37. Top Spin
[2005/2K Sports]

38. Hidden Invasion
[2002/Conspiracy Entertainment]

39. Fathammer Classics Pack
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

woman sunbathing and man in swimming pool
Possible scene from Pool Paradise. Stud #1: "Hey, baby, I was just swimming by and thought I'd stop and stare at your right knee for awhile."

40. Speed Kings

41. Splashdown

42. SSX Tricky
[2001/EA Games]

43. Stretch Panic
[2001/Conspiracy Entertainment]

44. Super Bust-a-Move 2

45. Growlanser: Generations
[2004/Working Designs]

46. Pool Paradise
[2004/Ignition Entertainment]

47. Neopets: Petpet Adventures -- The Wand of Wishing

48. Magic Pengel

49. Wendy: Every Witch Way
[2001/TDK Interactive]

50. Let's Ride! Silver Buckle Stables

[Which games did we neglect? Time for you to step into the spotlight and share your own sordid thoughts in the comments section. Go on, don't be shy!]

Check out more Crispy Gamer features:


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