Ask the Game Trust: Your Gaming Dream Job
You already know that the Crispy Gamer Game Trust knows its stuff when it comes to gaming. But where are the writers really coming from? What are their favorite games? Their defining gaming moments? Their turn-ons?
To answer these questions, and many more, we present our "Ask the Game Trust" feature. Every week we'll ask and answer a different question about our collective experiences, opinions and thoughts on videogames and life in general. Feel free to open a similar window into yourself in the comments thread.
This week's question: If you could have any job in the game industry, what would it be?
Kyle Orland: Community Manager, Nintendo
Why? Well, I've had some experience managing a rowdy crowd of Nintendo fans as Webmaster of Super Mario Bros. HQ, and I survived that OK. In fact, I even enjoyed it at points, when the fans weren't being bat-shit insane (you should see some of the weirder fan fiction I've seen). Plus, I already have a near-encyclopedic knowledge of all things Nintendo -- save for a huge gap surrounding the Pokèmon series -- so I wouldn't even need much specific training.
Could it really happen? I suppose if Nintendo were actively looking and asked me and paid to move me out to Washington. I can't say I'm expecting them to call, though.
Gus Mastrapa: The Arcade Change Dispenser Guy
Why? The job is probably pretty miserable, but pre-teen me imagined it as a dream gig. Not only did the guy get to hang out at the arcade all day, but he also wielded the power to put a zillion credits on any game he wanted!
Could it really happen? There aren't really that many arcades left. And Gameworks switched over to those swipe cards. Lame.
Harold Goldberg: Editor-in-Chief, Sony Online Entertainment
Why? Well, because I had my dream editorial job already, for a couple of years. It was a wide-ranging job that included hiring actress Michelle Williams, director Gus Van Sant and Oscar-nominated animator Bill Plympton. Plus, I wrote for the first EverQuest and was an EverQuest beta tester. The staff and I played a lot of SoulCalibur on the Dreamcast and those year-end bonuses were amazing.
Could it really happen (again)? Every now and then, I'm asked to work on story for a game, yet I can't do that while doing game journalism -- it's a complete conflict of interest. But I'm not ruling it out for the future. I'd like to do fiction like my pals, Steve Kent (the Clone Republic series) and Jason Buhrmester (the upcoming "Black Dogs"). But I utterly love what I'm doing now. I completely embrace the variety, the soul, the freedom and the hard work ethic of the freelance lifestyle.
Jason Killingsworth: Supreme potentate/CEO in charge of developing a more fashionable mocap suit.
Could it really happen? It needs to.
Scott Jones: Jade Raymond's Husband
Why? Because she makes videogames and she's hot and I feel like we would have a lot in common. We could talk about games together. And then we could talk about how hot she is. As I said, we have a lot in common. And I could stay home all day and run the vacuum and cook us a nice meal while she goes to the office and makes her games, and then when she comes home I would say, "How was your day, honey?" And she'd say things like, "When they ask me to make Assassin's Creed 3, shoot me before I say yes. Pass the salad. [Munching] Mmm. Is that rutabaga?"
Could it happen? Too late: She's married already. Cue Whitney Houston's "And I Will Always Love You."
John Teti: Mega Man
Why? I'd always have work. I'd get to dabble in multiple genres. I could ride my dog to the office. I'd always have a wardrobe to fit the season (autumn = Heat Man), and I'd never have to iron. I could pop "energy pills" all day, and nobody would ask me to pass a urine test. Overlong meetings would be a thing of the past, as people do not tend to test the patience of a man whose arm is a freaking cannon.
Could it really happen? By the year 20XX, anything will be possible.
Steve Steinberg: Auction House Bouncer, World of Warcraft
Why? I would be an in-game non-player character in WoW that finds characters that undercut the lowest "buyout" price by something sleazy, like five silver, when they put items up for bid in the auction house. And then -- dual-wielding two-handed weapons -- I'd beat them down medieval-style. Ideally, this would cause the actual player to receive a jolt that would feel something like being punched in the neck. Oh, and since I was all-powerful and upholding justice, I wouldn't care about my stats, so I'd be wearing the sexiest metal thong deal that my warrioress could find. And I'd also have those cool red sunglasses.
Could it really happen? Yes.
David Thomas: Will Wright
Why? I would be loved by gamers and game developers alike. I'd be rich and could both pursue my crazy hobbies and make my crazy games. Best of all, I could give speeches about whatever the f*** I wanted, and people would actually listen and laugh and laugh and laugh. I'd be that good. I'd drive around in a gold Hummer, have a robot servant, and get invites to dinner at the Raymond's.
Could it really happen? Despite some major, recent progress on my Will Wright disguise, I think that this is a pipe dream. Luckily, I like to write about games. I have my dream job.
Ryan Kuo: Power-Up Sound Guy
Why? I've never had the patience to compose an entire piece of music, but I could definitely concentrate on rad power-up noises. My little jingles would allay the fears of powered-down kids everywhere. And I still think there's a lot of unexplored territory between the Super Mushroom and the Crackdown orbs.
Could it really happen? Maybe in the long run, but I think I just gave myself an idea for a project.
Dan "Shoe" Hsu: Silent Game Approval Head-Nodder/Shaker
Why? I may be delusional, but I think I have a fairly good grasp of what's a good game, what's not. I'd feel like some sort of "people's champion" if my job were to keep bad games off the street. Better yet if it paid decently.
Could it happen? Maybe. Such jobs exist, but I'm pretty sure they involve a lot more work than just silently nodding or shaking my head.