Endless Ocean (Wii)

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This is obviously not terribly realistic. Anything I've ever poked in my life usually runs away from me. Worse still, here it also proves to be -- shudder -- educational.

I'm joking of course. Or am I? Honestly, I don't mind learning via videogames. What I do mind is when a game makes it so painfully obvious that it's a didactic experience -- and nothing more than a didactic experience. After all, if zombies can teach me to type via Typing of the Dead -- thanks, zombies! -- why can't Nintendo to find a way to make a game about deep-sea diving vaguely interesting?

To be fair, there are some nice moments here and there, moments when for a few, fleeting seconds you really do feel the ocean deep opening up around you. But those moments were always quickly countered by the awkward controls, the Celine Dion-esque soundtrack, or -- shudder again -- more learning.

As a gamer, I never really felt compelled to dig deeper, to look closer, or to pet fish -- just for the sake of maybe learning its Latinate name or unlocking a new blue snorkel. Which brings me to the Crispy Gamer $5 question of the day: For whom, exactly, is this game designed?

Perhaps there's an 11-year-old budding marine biologist in the landlocked Midwest who might play this thing to death. Or perhaps there's a 41-year-old stoner who likes to smoke up and, you know, just drift, man.

What I do know is that Endless Ocean, with its danger-free (poke those sharks, they won't mind), slow-paced, educating ways, is most definitely not for me.

And unless you want a kick in the pants for Father's Day this year, or your kids actually are budding marine biologists, don't buy Endless Ocean for them.

Verdict: Fry it. With some onions. Maybe a little olive oil.

This review was based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.